Emotional dependency means getting one’s good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within. Who or what do you believe is responsible for your emotional well-being?

There are numerous forms of emotional dependency:

• Dependence on substances, such as food, drugs or alcohol, to fill emptiness and take away pain
• Dependence on processes, such as spending, gambling or TV, also to fill emptiness and take away pain
• Dependence on money to define one’s worth and adequacy
• Dependence on getting someone’s love, approval or attention to feel worthy, adequate, lovable and safe
• Dependence on sex to fill emptiness and feel adequate

When you do not take responsibility for defining your own adequacy and worth or for creating your own inner sense of safety, you will seek to feel adequate, worthy and safe externally. Whatever you do not give to yourself, you may seek from others, or from substances or processes. Emotional dependency is the opposite of taking personal responsibility for your emotional well-being. Yet many people have no idea that this is their responsibility, nor do they have any idea how to take this responsibility.

What does it mean to take emotional responsibility, rather than be emotionally dependent?

Primarily, it means recognizing that your feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, aloneness, jealousy, irritation and so on (what we call in Inner Bonding ‘wounded feelings’) come from your own thoughts, beliefs and behavior, rather than from others or from circumstances. Once you understand and accept that you create many of your own feelings, rather than your feelings coming from outside yourself, then you can begin to take emotional responsibility.

For example, let’s say someone you care about gets angry at you.

If you are emotionally dependent, you may feel rejected and believe that your feelings of rejection are coming from the other’s anger. You might also feel hurt, scared, anxious, inadequate, shamed, angry, blaming, or many other difficult feelings, in response to the other’s anger. You might try many ways of getting the other person to not be angry, in an effort to feel better.

However, if you are emotionally responsible, you will feel and respond entirely differently. The first thing you might do is to tell yourself that another person’s anger has nothing to do with you. Perhaps that person is having a bad day and is taking it out on you. Perhaps that person is feeling hurt or inadequate and is trying to be one-up by putting you one-down. Whatever the reason for the other’s anger, it is about them rather than about you. An emotionally responsible person does not take others’ behavior personally, knowing that we have no control over others’ feelings and behavior, and that we do not cause others to feel and behave the way they do – that others are responsible for their feelings and behavior just as we are for ours.

The next thing an emotionally responsible person might do is move into compassion for the angry person, and open to learning about what is going on with them. For example, you might say, “I don’t like your anger, but I am willing to understand what is upsetting you. Would you like to talk about it?” If the person refuses to stop being angry, or if you know ahead of time that this person is not going to open up, then, as an emotionally responsible person, you would take loving action in your own behalf. For example, you might say, “I’m unwilling to be at the other end of your anger. When you are ready to be open with me, let me know. Meanwhile, I’m going to take a walk (or hang up the phone, or leave the restaurant, or go into the other room). An emotionally responsible person gets out of range of attack, rather than trying to change the other person.

Once out of range, the emotionally responsible person goes inside and explores any core painful feelings (feelings that result from others and circumstances rather than from your own thoughts and actions) that might have resulted from the attack. For example, perhaps you are feeling lonely as a result of being attacked, and helpless over the other person. An emotionally responsible person embraces the feelings of loneliness and helplessness with understanding and compassion, holding them just as you would hold a sad child. When you acknowledge and embrace the core feelings of loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, and helplessness over others, you allow them to move through you quickly, so you can move back into peace.

Rather than being a victim of the other’s behavior, you have taken emotional responsibility for yourself. Instead of staying stuck in feeling angry, hurt, blaming, afraid, anxious or inadequate, or in the core painful feelings of loneliness, helplessness or heartache, you have moved yourself back into feeling safe and peaceful.

When you realize that your feelings are your responsibility, you can move out of emotional dependency. This will make a huge difference within you and with all of your relationships. Relationships thrive when each person moves out of emotional dependency and into emotional responsibility, and Inner Bonding is a powerful process for doing this.

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By Margaret Paul, PhD.  is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com/welcome and visit our website at http://www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone and Skype Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

5 steps to a more positive attitude in life: Your “Attitude Adjusters”:
1. Start each day just 5 minutes earlier: Stretch your arms and legs BEFORE you get out of bed to hit the ground running, and say out loud with a slow deep breath: “Good morning. It’s a brand new beautiful day; I am open to seeing all the good in my life.” (take another deep breath) Repeat with each stretch and each breath, then get out of bed and start your day. This simple affirmation starts your day with a new focus, and thereby a new attitude. It is, in fact, a brand new beautiful day (no, the weather does not have to determine your day) and you can choose to be open to all the good things in your life.
2. STOP! BREATHE! FOCUS!  Every hour, stop and breathe and check in with your attitude. How do you feel? Are you tired, cranky, stressed, frenetic, etc. Take 60 seconds, just one minute, to breathe slowly and deeply and remind yourself of your morning’s affirmation. Take this moment (once each hour) to connect to something good in your life. Maybe it was a great cup of coffee this morning, or your train ran on time, or your morning routine went smoothly, or you had a great phone call with a friend or colleague, whatever it may be. Allow yourself to take this minute to look for something that you can feel positively about. Even if it’s just the fact that you can take a minute to stop and breathe and refocus your energies and attention. It can be small, it can be big, just allow yourself to embrace it for that minute.  We all need periodic reminders to pay attention to our attitudes.  This is a “do-it-yourself” reminder.
3. Acknowledge the choices you have and the decisions you can make. You are NOT a victim in life! You are actually empowered. If you see your daily life as just drudgery, then that is, in fact, what it becomes. If you see your daily life as one in which you play an active role, and make decisions for your greater good, then your perspective on your day shifts. We all know that when we have choices we feel better because we’re not stuck, and we‘re not victims. Sometimes it feels that the only choice we have is the attitude we bring to an event or task. You can choose to handle your obligations and responsibilities with resentment and stress, or you can choose to handle them with the perspective that because you matter, then whatever you do also matters. Once you start to realize this, then “What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.” becomes real, too.
4. It’s easy to have a positive attitude when life is going well, and things are easy. The key is to find a more loving and positive attitude when life is hard. I know it may sound corny to say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but a big part of that is true. Every event is filled with opportunities to learn and grow, if we can just see and allow it.  We can easily become cold and withdrawn as a result of life’s challenges, however, with a little practice and focus, we can be open and receptive to all the new lessons from which we can grow and learn. THIS is a CHOICE!!!  In the moments of stress, tension, disappointment, hurt, etc. we may not be aware of the lesson, but we can choose to be open and receptive. You get to choose with which attitude you will face each moment.
5. Finally, ask yourself: “What is my desired outcome?”  How do I want to handle this moment?  What energy/focus do I want to bring to this situation. Take a deep breath and give yourself a moment to really focus on your feelings, thoughts and attitude. Maybe a situation is really out of your control, and all you can bring to it is your attitude,. therefore,  If your attitude is positive, you will find that it is often more than enough.

Leave your thoughts and comments about what you do to stay positive, even in the face of difficulties… We look forward to hearing from you!

Join us on Wed. April 3 for our monthly teleseminar: Healing the Healer: Prevent and Overcome Compassion Fatigue  On Saturday, April 27 we will host the full length workshop… (4 CEU’s approved by NASW)

Three suggestions for coping with Valentine’s Day:
1. Acknowledge your past relationships (platonic and intimate) and do something that honors what those relationships were. We have all had relationships, from family, friends, lovers, etc., that no longer exist, or that are no longer what we wish they were. However, you can see in looking back what was loving in those relationships and today is a good day to acknowledge that you have loved, were loved and know how to be loving. You can acknowledge these past relationships by writing a letter, calling a friend to talk about your relationship, lighting a candle, filling a memory box, etc. Set aside a specific amount of time to remember and honor what was, and then go to the next steps
2. Make plans with friends. Share an upbeat comedy movie night at home or out. Sharing a good time with friends reminds you that life is about our connections, both platonic and intimate, and Valentine’s Day can be about friendship and connectedness on other levels than just the commercial ones ‘advertised’ .
3. Do something that is loving for YOU! You might go for a massage, a manicure, a workout at the gym, or your favorite meal. Make the day about loving who you are, and honoring your being as a whole person, not just the part of you that is missing someone or something. Always remember that who you are is enough, and it is true whether or not you are in a relationship. Learning to love and enjoy the company you keep in those quiet moments is a gift you give yourself every day of the year.

Here’s where the first challenges emerge: Your thoughts!  Yes, unfortunately, it is you, yourself who set up the first challenges because, as creatures of habit, we do what feels most familiar/easiest, even if it isn’t the best or most productive for our lives.  Let’s say, for example, that you decided to begin speaking up for yourself after years of “just going along to keep the peace”.  Can you feel your inner turmoil?  What are the questions or beliefs that pop into your head?  They may run along the lines of:  “What am I doing?  Everyone will be mad at me!  Is this really the ’right’ thing for me to do?  What if they reject me, or laugh at me?  What if this isn’t really me?  What if I’m really supposed to just go along?”  Do these questions and thoughts sound familiar?  What if you realize that in the past you have been demanding and rigid, and now want to make room for other people’s needs and feelings?  Maybe your thoughts and questions will run along the lines of:  “Now I’ll seem like a wimp.  No one will respect me. They’ll think I’ve gone soft, or what if now, no one takes me seriously?“  This is only the first part of what makes it hard to turn new behaviors into habits.  The second part is other people’s actual reactions to your new-found behaviors.  What do you do when the people closest to you question and challenge you?  How do you stay connected to your greater good, and your desired outcome?  Unless you stay strongly connected to your desired outcome, and your new beliefs in yourself that “who you are is enough!”, and all that that statement entails, you’ll find yourself falling back into old habits.
Today, I want you to choose one behavior that you believe you need or want to incorporate into your life to reinforce the belief  “Who I Am Is Enough”.  Is it speaking up, being less defensive, being more generous, being more relaxed, etc.  Just choose one behavior that reflects your more positive sense of yourself.

Follow the next 5 steps over the course of the next 28 days (remember, it takes 28 days to make this new behavior a habit.)
1. STOP!  BREATHE!  FOCUS!  This has to be the first step, so that you give yourself the space in which to become conscious and aware of your feelings and the need for accessing and practicing your new behavior.
2. What is My Desired Outcome?  This is to remind yourself of your clarity of purpose. Your behavior is NOT about other people and their reactions to you. Your behavior is about your greater good, and your positive belief in yourself that “who I am is enough, and I deserve to be treated as such, first and foremost by me, myself!”
3. Be aware of and breathe through your inner turmoil.  Inner turmoil, when you’re behaving in a new way,  simply reflects a change in yourself, it does NOT mean what you are doing is wrong!  It means your system is reacting with confusion and uncertainty. Whenever we do something differently, the first reaction we have is that it is “wrong”, and the thought pops into our heads that we are supposed to do what we’ve always done, even if what we’ve always done was unhealthy and emotionally harmful. So this step is about sitting with the conflict and NOT acting on it.
4. Write down your feelings after each time you engaged in your new behavior (or were unable to do so).  This step will help you to reinforce your awareness and your learning. This step will help to give you clarity as to what you did that worked, and what needs more attention.  It is about increasing your awareness, and what thoughts and beliefs encourage your new behaviors and which ones undermine you. This step is not about beating yourself up, but about learning and growing. 

5. Take your time and be patient with yourself.  New behaviors require patience, perseverance and even more practice, in order to become habits.  Life offers up many opportunities to utilize our new awareness and practice our new behaviors. Remember, you are focusing on one behavior that feels most significant to you in your overall growth and change. Even if, in the moment, you forgot to practice your new behavior, trust that you will have another chance. This is all about evolving and growing, not instant perfection.
Take heart, and know that you, above all else, are worth your time, energy and love, and that you are engaged in this process of reclaiming your self-esteem for your greater good, and the greater good of your life!

Join me on Wed. February 6 for our FREE Teleseminar program on Mindfulness: For Your Well-Being and get started (or enhance) your care for yourself.  Lani Muelrath will be our guest as we explore ‘living healthy, happy and fit’!  Looking forward to your questions and comments!

     This is your gentle reminder of your continuing work on your self-esteem, and positive self-image. You really have started on a path towards “healing from within”.  Everyday we have opportunities to bring in positive thoughts and messages about ourselves and our lives; we just have to learn how to be conscious and aware of these opportunities.

The purpose of this message is to bring to you a message that you can utilize each day so that your thoughts, your energy and ultimately, your feelings about yourself become more positive, and your life will reflect these changes. Remember, you really are “Well Within”; it’s time to access this truth consciously now.

We all face challenges as we travel on this road to discovering our lost, forgotten, or hidden self-esteem.  What do you find is your biggest challenge?  For some people it’s speaking up.  For others it’s sticking to the new truths they are now learning, that are different from what they used to believe.  Maybe you find that your challenge is facing your truths and processing what happens inside you as you no longer ignore or deny them.  For some people the biggest challenge is sharing/living their truths when the people closest to them don’t acknowledge them or set up obstacles that challenge these new behaviors or attitudes.  Are you waiting for other people’s approval before you truly step into your life?  Maybe you’re struggling with the reality that your new awareness feels positive and strong, but your old habits and beliefs keep pulling you back and now you feel stuck.  This is very common and very normal.  Being Well Within is about helping you acknowledge the feelings that pull you back, and give you the encouragement, strategies and tools that will enable you to overcome them and stay on your new path, feel your inner worth and access your true sense of empowerment.

Rediscovering your self-esteem, accessing your power and letting your inner truth that “who you are is enough” shine through means you have to let go of old beliefs and habits.  I understand that this sounds easier said than done because old behaviors, like habits, require no thought, but these new behaviors require both thought and perseverance, especially in the face of the resistance we feel in response to them.   What happens when you don’t have the support and encouragement for your new found voice, or people openly question your motives?  You absolutely can do this work, you just need to surround yourself with a support system of people who will cheer you on and be there when the challenges feel insurmountable.  This may mean being open to new friendships, setting clearer boundaries, seeking out activities that more clearly reflect your new perceptions about yourself, etc.  All changes require periods of adjustment, even when they are changes that feel right and positive.   When you have the support to get through the tough moments; when you STOP! BREATHE! FOCUS!  and can sit with your discomfort and not slide back into old habits, then you feel stronger and more self-assured.  Sometimes in this process you spend more time alone, and that is a challenge a number of people struggle with.  You deserve to feel whole and empowered because who you are IS enough, and you do not need to fill your time with people or activities that undermine or sabotage your self-esteem.  (Is this a change you have made this year, or is it one that still requires work?)

Too often we talk ourselves out of what we want, because old beliefs and feelings associated with them pop up.  Think about how many times in your life you abandoned something that was important to you because it just felt too hard, or you didn’t get the support you wanted, or there was some other obstacle in your way.  How many excuses have you heard yourself use in your lifetime?  This is not about judging your past, it’s simply about being aware of your patterns and habits.  You can wish for better self-esteem, but that’s not enough.  Self-esteem won’t just happen to you, you have to make it happen!

This entire year, Carmel-Ann and I have provided monthly teleseminars geared toward empowerment, and guiding you to live the life you desire and deserve.  Next Wednesday (Dec. 5) will be our last one for 2012 and it’s all about the changes you have made or have yet to accomplish on your journey to living ‘being well within’.  Join us for this program and conversation to stay motivated and inspired as the holiday season comes into full swing.  While you might feel overwhelmed or distracted, this program will help you stay connected and focused on your desired outcomes.  Remember, that the first person who needs and deserves to be cared for with love and respect is you.  We look forward to having you join us ~ see what a difference an hour can make. Tell us what changes you’ve made so we can celebrate with you and what changes you might still need some help with.  Let’s keep the learning and growing beyond 2012.  We’ll be here to face life’s challenges with you.

This month marks the 1 year anniversary of the publication of our book, Being Well Within: From Distressed to De-Stressed.  It provides guidance, support and encouragement for you on your journey to living your life empowered and fulfilled.  It also is a great holiday gift for those you care about.  Carmel-Ann and I will personalize all book orders made through our online order page.

Wishing you all the best, always,

Loren

10 Ways to Express Your Gratitude to Clients and Colleagues

Gratitude is a worthwhile daily practice. The words “thank you” are so simple to say and can have such a huge impact on others. There is no better time than now to tell people you’re grateful for that they matter to you and have made a difference. With Thanksgiving and the holiday season on the way, opportunities abound to express your sentiments of gratitude.

First, make a list of all the people you are most grateful for. These are all the people you are glad to have in your life.

Within your business these might include:

• Current and past clients
• Joint Venture partners
• Mentors, colleagues, and other supporters
• Referral partners
• Friends

Don’t let the gratitude stop at the office, though… keep listing those who make a difference for your life:

• Friends
• Family
• Neighbors
• Service providers (healers, health care practitioners, your auto mechanic, vet, etc.)
• Spiritual mentors, church community, other community organizations you belong to
• Your children’s teachers, coaches, babysitters
• Anyone who goes the extra mile to serve you

Here are 10 ways you could express your gratitude today and any time you want to let them know they matter to you.

1. Send a card/note: There is nothing as wonderful as the art of a handwritten, snail mail card from the heart. Whether you use a digital version of a handwritten card or pen and ink, it works.
2. Give a gift certificate: Send them a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant or store, online or off.
3. Spend time together: Absolutely nothing beats quality time spent together. Make time to unplug from the routine and electronic gadgets to gather together and connect.
4. Surprise them: The possibilities are endless here. Whether you surprise them with something big or small, an unexpected act of kindness warms the heart. From flowers to baked goods to fresh fruit and veggies delivered, there is a way to send just about anything to anybody.
5. Treat them: Go out for a meal, movie, or activity and treat them by picking up the tab. It doesn’t have to cost a lot; it’s the gesture that matters.
6. Tell them they matter: Doesn’t cost a dime and you don’t have to wrap it. Call or visit them and tell them how much they mean to you.
7. Buy them a book: Choose a book on a subject matter that interests them and send it to them as a surprise. You’ll be supporting their growth and enjoyment while also expressing your thanks. 
8. Public praise: Shout it from the rooftops that they matter or did a good job. Recommend them online, praise them in a business meeting, or give them a shout out in some way that tells the world how great you think they are.
9. Do them a favor: Without being asked, do something for them – shovel the driveway, volunteer to babysit, or support one of their upcoming projects.
10. Gift to charity in their name: Choose an organization or cause that you know matters to them and make a donation in their name.

Gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving. Pay it forward whenever you can and be sure to let those who matter to you know they matter (don’t assume they know…and even if they do know, it’s always wonderful to be told so).

How do you express gratitude to those you care about who have helped you along your journey?

Gratitude starts as an awareness, (in the moment or after the fact) that something feels (or felt) good to you.  Maybe you felt it when you were snuggling under the covers in your warm bed on a cold winter morning.  Perhaps you were sitting in front of a crackling fire while snow was falling outside.  You might have been sitting on a beautiful beach watching the turquoise water lap the shore.  You might feel good curled up on the couch reading a book.  Do you remember a truly magnificent meal?  Any of these moments might evoke feelings within you that are warm, comforting, relaxing or joyful.  These moments are ones that you might feel grateful for when you stop and remember them, or relate them to a friend.  Stop for a moment and allow yourself to reflect on a moment that you really enjoyed.   Allow yourself to go back to that moment in time when, if only for that moment, you were completely and fully there.  Bring in each of your senses:  breathe in the smell of that moment, taste the moment, see where you were, feel the warmth flow through your body. Can you taste it?  Just sit and connect to that time and place.  Relive that time.  Connect to how good it felt, and notice where in your body you feel the feelings most strongly.  Breathe into that space and let the feeling grow.  Breathe slowly and deeply just focusing on that special moment.  Part of what made that moment special (even if you didn‘t know it then) was that nothing else existed in that moment.  You were totally present.  Now that you have brought that moment back to life, write it down.  Putting it down on paper validates it and makes the memory readily accessible when you need to connect to your own feelings of gratitude.  There are times when we all need these reminders!

One of the most common things that happen in life is that these good moments are so fleeting.  Our thoughts, demands placed on us, or problems interfere with us “holding onto the moment”.  Maybe the phone rings, or someone says something that “spoils” the moment, or you look at your watch and realize you have somewhere else to be, or a negative thought or worry pops into your head, etc.  This list is practically endless.  However, just because these distractions have made you “lose” the moment in the past, this no longer has to be your reality.  Our lives are made up of moments and each one is real and valid on its own.  We often string them together in our minds even allowing one event to eliminate or eclipse another.  How many times have you either heard or said after you had a wonderful day when you or your children or partner who were now tired or cranky: “You’re going to spoil the whole day”?  NO!  Those moments do not negate the day unless you choose to allow it!  The day was still wonderful!  Sit and remember all the beautiful, fun, enjoyable, exciting times you had throughout the course of the day, and STOP!  BREATHE!  FOCUS!  What is my desired outcome?  The rest of the day was great, and I can choose to honor it and remember it.  This (fill in the negative behavior) does not redefine the day prior to this moment.  I still have the other events, activities, interactions etc. to hold on to.  How do I want to deal with this moment?  Then take a deep breath and feel what happens inside of you as your system shifts gears.  You have just moved from automatic pilot to conscious, purposeful thought and action.  (This now also becomes a moment you can feel grateful for as you acknowledge that you are proud of yourself.)

Now that you’re becoming aware of what gratitude feels like, your system starts to recognize and become aware of these moments as they are happening.  There are some things that you can do to enhance your awareness and experiences.

1. Acknowledge that your desired outcome is to be open to feeling gratitude. This sets your intention for each day, and as you live more consciously, your awareness of gratitude increases.

2. Take a slow deep breath prior to each activity, and during each new activity:  This will help you to connect more consciously to your feelings and awareness, thus increasing your awareness of feelings of gratefulness, and you will be aware of it as it happens.

3.  At the end of each day write down five (5) things for which you are grateful for that day.  These five things, when you stop and think about them, you will remember how you felt about it; good, or happy or relaxed or content or silly or pleased, etc.  I think you get the idea.  These things can be anything at all from the sublime to the ridiculous.  Some days may have been really stressful or painful, maybe you’ll find appreciation and gratitude in that you made it through the day and are now in bed for the night.  It might be as simple as a warm shower, or clean sheets on your bed, or that you’re aware and grateful that you actually functioned through the day.  Maybe when you stop and think about what you’re grateful for, you’ll remember that you saw the colors of the sunset and they were beautiful.  This activity helps you focus on and feel connected to those moments in a very real and meaningful way.

4.  Share the Moment as it Happens!!  Say out loud when you feel grateful.  Tell whomever you are with what you are grateful for at that moment.   This makes the moment very real, and “a joy shared is a joy doubled” (old proverb)

5.  Ask your friends and family members what they are grateful for.  This can be a good conversation to have and it moves you away from the usual complaining, negative conversations.  Think about how different conversations would be if we were focusing on the good, uplifting happy moments instead of just the usual negative or complaining conversations.  You might even laugh a little more and that could also be something you would feel grateful for!

I am grateful that you take the time to read my messages.  I thank you. (Join us on Nov. 7 for our Free Teleseminar on GRATITUDE… Nov. 10th is our Workshop: From Distressed to De-Stressed

5 Steps to Creating a Better Day
1. Before even getting out of bed, stretch, breathe and say out loud: “Today is a brand new day. All good things are possible. I am open to seeing, hearing and receiving the blessings in my life.” This is not just about money and health, but also about love, respect, understanding and compassion. Look for all the blessings in your life, and just as you have found the problems, so too, will you find yourself able to find the blessings.. You only have to look and be open to experiencing them!
2. As I am about to start each activity, I STOP! BREATHE! & FOCUS! My intention is to be fully present in this moment and in this activity. Rather than waiting until the end of the day to reflect back, stop throughout your day and honor each moment. You’ll find that you’ll be more in tune with all the good that is in your day and then these moments will have more power and influence. You might even find that just by being present you’ll experience the pleasure of being productive, compassionate, understanding, aware, feeling connected to friends, family, co-workers, etc. and these are all emotional and mental highs in your day!
3. I consciously create an environment that reflects my positive thoughts and feelings about myself. Look around your home and work-space and see what needs to be modified so that you create a space that is truly loving and respectful of you. It may simple, like adding a picture, clearing clutter, lighting a candle, etc., or it may be more involved like changing the color of your walls, or putting in new lighting, etc.
4. No complaining, just problem solving. If something is bothersome to you in your life, rather than complaining about it, think about what it is you need or want that’s different, and how it can be done. Work towards the solution, do not stay mired in the problem.
5. Life is about attitude: Pick a good one. Empower your day and your life by honoring and respecting the fact that your attitude can and does make a difference! Think about the people you most enjoy being with. Are they whiners and complainers or are they people who overall have a good outlook on life? Who do you want to be?

Today, and moving forward in your life can be different, and all it takes is your awareness of your thoughts and attitude. Take that deep breath whenever you hear yourself mired in negativity, and start over. Yes, it takes 28 days to make a habit, but think about all the opportunities in your day to practice new thoughts, new intentions, and a new attitude . Make these five steps a regular part of your day, and you’ll see a huge difference in yourself and ultimately, in your life!

As the holiday season draws nearer, Carmel-Ann and I have prepared our FREE monthly teleseminar to address Preventing the Holiday Blues. Please join us by registering at:

http://www.beingwellwithin.com/workshops/teleseminar-3/

May you fill your day, today and beyond with thoughts and attitudes that enhance and empower your life. Wishing you all the best, Loren

Self-care is a vital part of your overall emotional, physical and mental well-being.  This is not just about meditation, or deep breathing, though they can make a big difference in stress levels, but today it’s about finding things you love and making time in your day to do them.  Everyone has something, (sometimes many things) that they love, desire, have fun with, brings them joy, peace, pleasure, etc.  Sit for a moment and think about what you love.  Is it a hobby, an activity, visiting with friends, learning new things, meditating, reading a good book, etc?  What do you love that you don’t always make time in your busy schedule to do?  Breathe slowly and deeply and just allow yourself to take a moment and think about what it is you love to do that makes you feel good, happy, invigorated, centered, etc.  Let your feelings flow freely on this subject without judgments as to whether it’s something you’re good at, you haven’t done in a long time, you have no time for, or it’s silly or childish.  Just let yourself remember how good you felt participating in this activity or hobby.  If you‘re struggling with this exercise,  I would suggest that you stop reading this for a little while, and as silly as it may seem, go outside and find a swing.  Maybe you have one in your own backyard, or maybe you need to take a trip to a nearby park, but go find a swing, and let yourself swing for a little while.  (if you can’t get to swing, or you’re not quite ready to actually get on a swing, then allow yourself to sit back and remember—)  Feel the air on your face, and the joyfulness that comes from that flying feeling. When that swing gets going, and you feel like you’re flying, and swooping up and down, remember the freedom?  Remember the lightness in your body and mind?  Your spirit soars with you.  You can feel almost weightless, and nothing else matters in those moments.  This kind of feeling is what provides you with a break from your stressful, busy-ness filled day.  This is what it means to “stop and smell the roses”.  In the moments that you are actively present in an activity that you love, whatever stresses you have in your day or in your life disappear, and your mind, body and spirit truly lighten up and relax.  When we, literally or figuratively, stop and smell the roses, we are giving our systems a break from our stressful thoughts, feelings and activities.  It is exactly these breaks that rejuvenate our spirits, clear our minds and refresh our energy so that we can face our days, our challenges, our responsibilities with renewed clarity and a refreshed perspective.

Make a list of activities you love, or want to bring into your life.  You write down and keep appointments for meetings, doctor visits, important engagements, obligations, etc., and you MAKE time for these things. You also need to MAKE time for things that you LOVE!!!  If you feel guilty or resentful or exhausted and worn out when you don’t care for yourself, and you have little in your life that gives you pleasure, then you’re going to feel angry and resentful and worn out all the time.  If you’re afraid that you will feel guilty when you do care for yourself, then instead of staying stuck in what you know doesn’t work, it’s time to start incorporating things you love into your life.  (maybe lack of self-care is one of those negative behaviors that needs to be released—).  The guilt WILL dissipate as you discover that caring for yourself by doing things you love actually increases your productivity overall.  When we take care of ourselves, our energy is restored, we feel more alive and more vibrant throughout the day, and when we have something to look forward to it makes daily stresses easier to manage.  The things you love that you now bring into your day become your reward(s) for all you do and handle.  You find ways to reward the people in your life for what they do and for who they are, it’s time you learn to reward yourself as well.  In reality, making time to do the things you love is not just a reward; it’s a necessity.

You can start small with just a few minutes each day.  It might be a long, hot shower or bath at the end of a day.  It might be getting together with a friend for an hour one day each week.  Maybe you’ll choose to take a walk outside in the middle of your day to clear your head and breathe in the “fresh” air.  Maybe you’ll take up knitting or crossword puzzles or jigsaw puzzles.  It doesn’t matter what activity you choose, it only matters that you choose SOMETHING that you love and make an appointment with yourself where you add it into your life.  Look at your calendar.  Mark down the time and place for your activity.  Breathe in slowly and deeply and see yourself engaged in this activity.  Feel the smile on your face, the lightness in your heart, the ease of your breath flowing through you.  STOP!  BREATHE!  FOCUS!  This is what stopping and smelling the roses is all about.  Stay tuned for additional recommendations going forward to live your life empowered and fulfilled… and of course, join Carmel-Ann and me on Wed. Oct. 10 for our Prevent the Holiday Blues free teleseminar… Wishing you a great Fall and an enjoyable holiday season…  Loren

Keep the following affirmations in mind as we continue to explore the intricacies of being an individual, empowered in relationships, and in your life in general this year. Growth only happens when we’re willing to be open to the possibilities for change around us and within us. In spite of all the hardships and challenges along the way, we can always hope and work toward something better in our lives. We can move beyond simply accepting what is, to challenging and questioning what is, and looking at how to make things better.
The following affirmations are worth remembering as you work to center yourself in the changes that enhance and empower you:
1. “Who I am is Enough!”
2. “I am lovable, capable, worthwhile and special and deserve to be treated as such…even by me!”
3.  “My love is a gift.”
4. “I am a valuable and worthwhile person and therefore when I give of myself I am giving something of true value and worth.”
5. “I am willing to challenge and not merely accept messages and beliefs that do not enhance my self-worth”.
6. “I honor and respect the person I am, just as I am! I also respect the journey I am on to grow and learn.
7.  “My soul shines and sparkles, and I share this precious part of me.”
8.  “I express my anger and frustration in ways that are respectful and safe for myself and those around me.”
9.  “I listen to myself and others with respect, and without judgment.”
10. “I lovingly and respectfully consider my own needs and feelings.”
11.  “I accept and give compliments with gratitude, appreciation and respect.”
12.  “I STOP! BREATHE! & FOCUS! To give myself space to get centered and have clarity to know “My Desired Outcome”!

Practice saying these affirmations aloud (preferably in front of a mirror…)  Know that as you learn, change and grow your life will open up in a myriad of ways… even when change feels scary, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.  Join Carmel-Ann and me on Wed. evening for our FREE teleseminar as we address the issues of staying motivated… Next month it’s all about honoring and celebrating our changes…
Carmel-Ann’s and my desired outcome has been and still is to provide the space and opportunity for your learning and growth in order for you to live knowing your true worth so you can live authentically empowered and be fulfilled. This is our journey and we are delighted to be able to share it with you!

Looking forward to “seeing” you on Wed.!  All the best, Loren